A raincoat

Yesterday was a very bright and sunny day. I took a journey from home to campus to meet my supervisor. I took Dublin Bus because I missed the sense of traveling using Dublin Bus. I was not in a hurry anyway.

At the bus stop, there were one lady and one man, they’re together. There were only three of us. The lady said to the man, “why is she wearing a raincoat on this bright and sunny day?”. The man looked at me, “weird”. I was the only one who is wearing a raincoat.

I assumed that they were not talking about me. Perhaps, they were talking about someone else.

The bus came, and we got on to the bus. I tapped my leap card as usual and chose to stand at the wheelchair space. I put all my belongings on the floor but kept them using my feet.

Again, the lady said to the man, “she is a Trinity student”.
The man, “how do you know?”
The lady replied, “I peeked at her leap card”

I assumed that they were talking about someone else. There are lots of Trinity students. It was a warm day especially inside the bus, so, I took off my raincoat, folded it, and put it in my bag.

“She put off her raincoat, I like her style now”
“Yes, she looks relax”
“But she is still holding on”
“I think she prepares for any condition, she wears a raincoat because today might rainy, she is still holding on because the bus is moving while she is standing”
“Yes, true”

Then, I observed the entire bus. Only me standing in the wheelchair space. I took my earphone out of my bag and play music.

———–

If this happens during my period days or during days when I tempt to ‘play around’, this event will be taken as…
“Why are you talking about me!! Why!!”

If this happens during my gloomy days, this event will be taken as…
“What’s wrong with my raincoat? is it too bad? too cheap? why is it so wrong to wear a raincoat on the bright and sunny day? next time I won’t wear this raincoat anymore.”

If this happens during my good days or my busy days, this event will be taken as…
“Oh, they just spending their time to talk about me, they love me so much.. they are completely stranger but they care me so much, thanks! I didn’t know that I am so good.”

Since they do not talk to me directly, so I don’t have to explain why I use raincoat on a very bright and sunny day. If they ask, I will surely explain the reason: because that is the only thing that I have to keep me warm, it is not too heavy, and I can fold it and store it in my bag when I feel warmer.

Why should I explain this to people who don’t even ask me directly?

Anyway, what others think about me is none of my business. Even when the lady peeked into my student leap card to get to know me more is also none of my business. I will give her my student number or my full name if she wants to know me more, but, she has to ask me in person to obtain that details because it is private information.

Poison & Wine – The Civil Wars

The Longer I Run

When my blood runs warm with the warm red wine
I missed the life that I left behind
And when I hear the sound of the black bird’s cry
I know I left in the nick of time
Well this road I’m on is gonna turn to sand
And leave me lost in a far off land
So let me ride the wind till I don’t look back
And forget the life that I almost had

If I wander till I die
May I know whose hand I’m in
If my home I’ll never find
And let me live again
The longer I run then the less that I find
Selling my soul for a nickel and dime
Breaking my heart to keep singing these rhymes
And losing again

Tell my brother please not to look for me
I ain’t the man that I used to be
Cause if my savior comes could you let him know
I’ve gone away forward to save my soul

Peter Bradley Adams – The Longer I Run

Ambivert

I just googled the meaning of ambivert. A label that I put on me for many years ago,

  1. I can perform tasks alone or in a group. I don’t have much preference either way.
  2. Social settings don’t make me uncomfortable, but I tire of being around people too much.
  3. Being the center of attention is fun for me, but I don’t like it to last.
  4. Some people think I’m quiet, while others think I’m highly social.
  5. I don’t always need to be moving, but too much downtime leaves me feeling bored.
  6. I can get lost in my own thoughts just as easily as I can lose myself in a conversation.
  7. Small talk doesn’t make me uncomfortable, but it does get boring.
  8. When it comes to trusting other people, sometimes I’m skeptical, and other times, I dive right in.
  9. If I spend too much time alone, I get bored, yet too much time around other people leaves me feeling drained.

3 days in Leitrim (not Longford) :p

These three days, I spent my weekend in co. Leitrim. I stayed two nights in Lily and James house in Gortletteragh.

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Lily and James’ house


The question started from how did I meet Lily (and James) Doyle?

On Facebook. We joined the same facebook group: Backpacker International, that is because we have the same hobby, traveling to places outside of Indonesia. From that group, we finally know each other that we stay in Ireland but in different county.

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A perfect place to escape from crowd

The first time we met was when Ashri and I visit Sligo. Lily and James drove from Leitrim to Sligo. We strolled together to Knocknarea hill and Strandhill beach. We got to know each other by traveling together for the first time. Secondly, Lily and James visited Bray to watch the Bray Air Display. Ashri and I took Dart from our place to Bray, then, we walked to Greystone. This is the third time we met. I came to their house and stayed for two nights.

On the first day, they showed me Lough Rynn Castle and the stunning view behind the castle. There is a herb garden nearby and James was so excited to pickle some leaves and smell the herbs. Then we bought Indian halal dinner and went home.

But, the best thing is…… James’ steel-stringed light-brown Yamaha acoustic guitar! I could stay in the house only for playing guitar all day :)) We talked much about chords, (old but gold) songs until bedtime. The new thing is, instead of plucking or strumming the strings, James does unique way to play. I learned several new chords and techniques to play acoustic guitar from him. He has two guitars: acoustic and electric; I even do not have one! I envy him so much!

The next day, we stopover to James’ father (Colm) house. There is where James’ cows are. He is a livestock farmer. I watched them eating and pet the ringleader. I thought cow’s skin is furless, but, they have soft fur. Well, I think it depends on the species; the one that I pet is Aberdeen Angus. After spending three days with them, now, I could tell which one is the milky cows and which one is the meat cows (hahaha!). Thereafter, we went to Enniskillen, Northern Ireland to have a lunch in a buffet and we visited the Marble Arch Caves. Then, we stopover at a mini waterfall and went home.

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James’ cows

Last day, we visited Colm house again. We talked with Dympna (Colm’s sister), and her husband. Dympna is a very nice lady, she even kissed my cheeks when I was saying goodbye to her :)) She wished for the best results for my viva, and she hoped that I will meet my daughter and my husband soon. This is our first (and maybe last) meet, but, they treat me like a part of their family. Isn’t that sweet?

I experienced many things from this journey. Lily is so tough person, she went through the thing that I never imagine as a mother. I couldn’t tell here, but, her love for Riley is priceless. My eyes are now teary while writing this sentence. Even though, I know that she accepted all those things, I resist myself to ask many questions to her about Riley. I believe that he is there, watching you two from heaven 🙂

James is an old-fashioned person. I couldn’t believe that a western person respect more on Sapindus mukorossi (i.e. Indian washnut) or Javanese people used to call it ‘klethek’, to wash his clothes instead of detergent. He prefers to drink spring water from well instead of buying bottles of still water. He prefers to light the fire from woods, turfs, coals instead of using storage heating. I am sure that he will live very well and prosper in my grandmother’s era. He is a believer of life sustainability.

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Spring water well

Anyway, this is what I expected before I come to co. Leitrim. I really want to pet cows, light up a fireplace, experience new things that I never knew before while living in Dublin these three years. Now, I can see different lifestyles that people chose for their livings.

I used to hate traveling or leaving my comfort zone. But, then, I left my home country to a country which I never dream of before.
I used to feel insecure about having trips without my family. But, then, I traveled solo and found a new family who I never met before.
I used to think that my way is better than anyone. But, then, new people taught me unique ways to solve (basic) living problems.

Apparently, these years I lived in a (transparent) shell.

 

There are no foreign lands. It is the traveler only who is foreign.
– Robert Louis Stevenson

Elsa?

Do you want to build a snowman?
Come on, let’s go and play!
I never see you anymore
Come out the door
It’s like you’ve gone away
We used to be best buddies
And now we’re not
I wish you would tell me why!
Do you want to build a snowman?
It doesn’t have to be a snowman
Do you want to build a snowman?
Or ride our bike around the halls?
I think some company is overdue
I’ve started talking to the pictures on the walls!
It gets a little lonely
All these empty rooms
Just watching the hours tick by
(tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock)
Elsa, please I know you’re in there
People are asking where you’ve been
They say, “don’t freak out” and I’m trying to
I’m right out here for you
Just let me in
We only have each other
It’s just you and me
What are we gonna do?
Do you want to build a snowman?
It does not have to be a snowman, Elsa..
Go away, Anna!
Okay, bye 😭
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James Bay and Taylor Swift

are both musicians which I really like. Both have similarities to me, they changed. James Bay had long humble hair, wear fedora hat, and seems confident without many attractions in his video clips. But now, he changed. Well, the soul is still the same, but I wonder which one the true James Bay as a person?

Same with Taylor Swift. Her music genre was Country music, she beats Pop songs. But now, she seems able to play any genre. Lately, I found that the true Taylor is the ones when she plays acoustic.

However, I am probably wrong. They don’t change, but, it is me who doesn’t know them entirely. Everyone has more than one sides, and I just discovered a new side of James Bay and Taylor Swift which I didn’t know before..

The Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head saying
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
The struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No, I’m not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, ’cause
There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes you gonna have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It’s all about
It’s all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

The Climb – Miley Cyrus

—–

What is waiting for me on the other side?

Diploma? Nope.
Commencement? Nope.
My job? Nope.

It is my daughter, my husband, and my parents 🙂

I can’t wait to see them again…..

INFJ Personality

I found it very hard to describe myself, but, this INFJ personality really represents me. Took the test twice, and end up with the same result.

https://www.16personalities.com/infj-personality

Help Me Help You

INFJs indeed share a unique combination of traits: though soft-spoken, they have very strong opinions and will fight tirelessly for an idea they believe in. They are decisive and strong-willed, but will rarely use that energy for personal gain – INFJs will act with creativity, imagination, conviction, and sensitivity not to create an advantage, but to create balance. Egalitarianism and karma are very attractive ideas to INFJs, and they tend to believe that nothing would help the world so much as using love and compassion to soften the hearts of tyrants.

Like Finding a Needle in a Haystack

Further complicating things are INFJs’ eloquence and persuasiveness, which lead to a lot of (unwanted) attention and popularity. Their quiet, determined idealism and imaginative expression naturally draw influence, and if there’s anything INFJs avoid, it’s the accumulation of power over others – and the people who are drawn to that type of power. INFJs will find themselves more sought after than they’d ever care to be, making it even more difficult for them to find someone they truly have an affinity with. Really the only way to be counted among INFJs’ true friends is to be authentic and to have that authenticity naturally reflect their own.

Be Unique, Just Like Me

As their children grow, INFJs will likely try to project a great deal of their own qualities onto them, demanding the same sort of idealism and honesty that they demand from themselves, and maybe even manipulating them into this in their weaker moments. Despite this, INFJs will also push their children to think independently, make their own choices and establish their own beliefs. If all this independence is taken to heart, it can cause some trouble for INFJ parents though, as their children move into the naturally rebellious phase of adolescence. If INFJs’ children take a contrarian approach, adopting beliefs that violate their parents’ own well-developed principles, INFJs are likely to feel like their children are pointing out their flaws by following another path, a hurtful thing to such a sensitive personality type.

Yet INFJs can be easily tripped up in areas where their idealism and determination are more of a liability than an asset. Whether it is navigating interpersonal conflicts, confronting unpleasant facts, pursuing self-realization, or finding a career path that aligns well with your inner core, you may face numerous challenges that at times can even make you question who you really are.

—-

River flows in you – Yiruma