Tenerife Sea

You look so wonderful in your dress
I love your hair like that
The way it falls on the side of your neck
Down your shoulders and back
We are surrounded by all of these lies
And people that talk too much
You got the kind of look in your eyes
As if no one knows anything but us

Should this be the last thing I see
I want you to know it’s enough for me
Cause all that you are is all that I’ll ever need

I’m so in love

You look so beautiful in this light
You silhouette over me
The way it brings out the blue in your eyes
Is the Tenerife sea
And all of the voices surrounding us here
They just fade out when you take a breath
Just say the word and I will disappear
Into the wilderness

Lumiere darling
Lumiere over me

You look so wonderful in your dress
I love your hair like that
And in a moment I knew you, Beth


Taylor Swift was interviewed and asked her opinion about this love song, and she said that the way Ed described the beauty of Beth (only Ed knows who Beth is) in this song is exceptionally deep.

The way it brings out the blue in your eyes is the Tenerife sea

Well, as long as I am Asian, I don’t have blue eyes (for sure!), but, I know the beauty of blue-eyed people from their heart. And, I have never visited the Tenerife Sea, Ramisa did, perhaps she really knows how beautiful the Tenerife Sea is. I think I should ask her 😉

Love Someone

I have been asking many times to myself, why I miss my daughter so much. She is still alive, and she’s there living happily with her grandparents.

Why should I miss her so deeply then?
That’s because I put so much love for her, more than love for myself.

Next month, I will meet her, for sure 🙂
I have to be happy and motivated enough to pass this last journey very well.

Have you ever feel so much sadness that even you can’t have a single tear coming out from your eyes which makes your throat in pain?
Until you feel that you are unsteady when you walk alone in the crowd. You can see things clearly, throw some arguments, jokes, but your mind is not there.

I never know that being a mother means that you have to endure this kind of pain when your kid is not around you. I never know that before.

Have you ever been in love before?
which makes you feel completely nothing without the person whom you’re in love with?
which makes you unable to take a breath when she/he is not around you?
which makes you sacrifice everything you have just to meet with her/him?
which makes you accept any kind of conditions, sick or healthy, or even you haven’t met her/him in person (because it is still a fetus in your womb)?

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Then the question is changed to, are you going to let yourself fall in that kind of love after knowing the risk of missing or losing her/him from your sight?

I will always say YES.
This is the art of giving your heart to someone else besides yourself.

do all mothers feel the same way with me?

Lukas Graham – Love Someone



“Retno, you are so strong!”

That’s because you never know that almost every night I feel so weak and fragile with this broken heart. And, I wake up in the next morning, hoping that it is just a dream, but, it is not, this is the reality. And, I don’t have any other options other than being strong until the day I meet my daughter and my husband. That makes me look strong outside.


When I was lost I felt alone
You gave me light and guide me right
Through the night to where the wind blows
Years had passed by
I’m lonely low
There’s only one place that
I am sure can fix my broken hearted soul
And it’s called home
I’m going home
I’ve been away for such a long time
I’m on my way, just hope that
I’m safe in sound
It’s in my mind, home sweet home
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Day by day, oh… you see me grow
I fight the pain, stand up again and tried everything to let go
Just to go home, I wanna go home
I’m doing fine, staying in line
The sun’s going down and I’m still high
Going up and down the hills with just my ride
I’m free and I can’t describe

Ahmad Abdul – Coming Home

This song is international level, so good. I am not surprised that Tohpati takes into account in this song (y). Tohpati is one of Indonesian great musicians.

I am his fan since I was young, yep, now I am not that young anymore. Hahaha..

Tohpati is a legend!

A raincoat

Yesterday was a very bright and sunny day. I took a journey from home to campus to meet my supervisor. I took Dublin Bus because I missed the sense of traveling using Dublin Bus. I was not in a hurry anyway.

At the bus stop, there were one lady and one man, they’re together. There were only three of us. The lady said to the man, “why is she wearing a raincoat on this bright and sunny day?”. The man looked at me, “weird”. I was the only one who is wearing a raincoat.

I assumed that they were not talking about me. Perhaps, they were talking about someone else.

The bus came, and we got on to the bus. I tapped my leap card as usual and chose to stand at the wheelchair space. I put all my belongings on the floor but kept them using my feet.

Again, the lady said to the man, “she is a Trinity student”.
The man, “how do you know?”
The lady replied, “I peeked at her leap card”

I assumed that they were talking about someone else. There are lots of Trinity students. It was a warm day especially inside the bus, so, I took off my raincoat, folded it, and put it in my bag.

“She put off her raincoat, I like her style now”
“Yes, she looks relax”
“But she is still holding on”
“I think she prepares for any condition, she wears a raincoat because today might rainy, she is still holding on because the bus is moving while she is standing”
“Yes, true”

Then, I observed the entire bus. Only me standing in the wheelchair space. I took my earphone out of my bag and play music.


If this happens during my period days or during days when I tempt to ‘play around’, this event will be taken as…
“Why are you talking about me!! Why!!”

If this happens during my gloomy days, this event will be taken as…
“What’s wrong with my raincoat? is it too bad? too cheap? why is it so wrong to wear a raincoat on the bright and sunny day? next time I won’t wear this raincoat anymore.”

If this happens during my good days or my busy days, this event will be taken as…
“Oh, they just spending their time to talk about me, they love me so much.. they are completely stranger but they care me so much, thanks! I didn’t know that I am so good.”

Since they do not talk to me directly, so I don’t have to explain why I use raincoat on a very bright and sunny day. If they ask, I will surely explain the reason: because that is the only thing that I have to keep me warm, it is not too heavy, and I can fold it and store it in my bag when I feel warmer.

Why should I explain this to people who don’t even ask me directly?

Anyway, what others think about me is none of my business. Even when the lady peeked into my student leap card to get to know me more is also none of my business. I will give her my student number or my full name if she wants to know me more, but, she has to ask me in person to obtain that details because it is private information.

Poison & Wine – The Civil Wars

The Longer I Run

When my blood runs warm with the warm red wine
I missed the life that I left behind
And when I hear the sound of the black bird’s cry
I know I left in the nick of time
Well this road I’m on is gonna turn to sand
And leave me lost in a far off land
So let me ride the wind till I don’t look back
And forget the life that I almost had

If I wander till I die
May I know whose hand I’m in
If my home I’ll never find
And let me live again
The longer I run then the less that I find
Selling my soul for a nickel and dime
Breaking my heart to keep singing these rhymes
And losing again

Tell my brother please not to look for me
I ain’t the man that I used to be
Cause if my savior comes could you let him know
I’ve gone away forward to save my soul

Peter Bradley Adams – The Longer I Run


I just googled the meaning of ambivert. A label that I put on me for many years ago,

  1. I can perform tasks alone or in a group. I don’t have much preference either way.
  2. Social settings don’t make me uncomfortable, but I tire of being around people too much.
  3. Being the center of attention is fun for me, but I don’t like it to last.
  4. Some people think I’m quiet, while others think I’m highly social.
  5. I don’t always need to be moving, but too much downtime leaves me feeling bored.
  6. I can get lost in my own thoughts just as easily as I can lose myself in a conversation.
  7. Small talk doesn’t make me uncomfortable, but it does get boring.
  8. When it comes to trusting other people, sometimes I’m skeptical, and other times, I dive right in.
  9. If I spend too much time alone, I get bored, yet too much time around other people leaves me feeling drained.

3 days in Leitrim (not Longford) :p

These three days, I spent my weekend in co. Leitrim. I stayed two nights in Lily and James house in Gortletteragh.

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Lily and James’ house

The question started from how did I meet Lily (and James) Doyle?

On Facebook. We joined the same facebook group: Backpacker International, that is because we have the same hobby, traveling to places outside of Indonesia. From that group, we finally know each other that we stay in Ireland but in different county.

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A perfect place to escape from crowd

The first time we met was when Ashri and I visit Sligo. Lily and James drove from Leitrim to Sligo. We strolled together to Knocknarea hill and Strandhill beach. We got to know each other by traveling together for the first time. Secondly, Lily and James visited Bray to watch the Bray Air Display. Ashri and I took Dart from our place to Bray, then, we walked to Greystone. This is the third time we met. I came to their house and stayed for two nights.

On the first day, they showed me Lough Rynn Castle and the stunning view behind the castle. There is a herb garden nearby and James was so excited to pickle some leaves and smell the herbs. Then we bought Indian halal dinner and went home.

But, the best thing is…… James’ steel-stringed light-brown Yamaha acoustic guitar! I could stay in the house only for playing guitar all day :)) We talked much about chords, (old but gold) songs until bedtime. The new thing is, instead of plucking or strumming the strings, James does unique way to play. I learned several new chords and techniques to play acoustic guitar from him. He has two guitars: acoustic and electric; I even do not have one! I envy him so much!

The next day, we stopover to James’ father (Colm) house. There is where James’ cows are. He is a livestock farmer. I watched them eating and pet the ringleader. I thought cow’s skin is furless, but, they have soft fur. Well, I think it depends on the species; the one that I pet is Aberdeen Angus. After spending three days with them, now, I could tell which one is the milky cows and which one is the meat cows (hahaha!). Thereafter, we went to Enniskillen, Northern Ireland to have a lunch in a buffet and we visited the Marble Arch Caves. Then, we stopover at a mini waterfall and went home.

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James’ cows

Last day, we visited Colm house again. We talked with Dympna (Colm’s sister), and her husband. Dympna is a very nice lady, she even kissed my cheeks when I was saying goodbye to her :)) She wished for the best results for my viva, and she hoped that I will meet my daughter and my husband soon. This is our first (and maybe last) meet, but, they treat me like a part of their family. Isn’t that sweet?

I experienced many things from this journey. Lily is so tough person, she went through the thing that I never imagine as a mother. I couldn’t tell here, but, her love for Riley is priceless. My eyes are now teary while writing this sentence. Even though, I know that she accepted all those things, I resist myself to ask many questions to her about Riley. I believe that he is there, watching you two from heaven 🙂

James is an old-fashioned person. I couldn’t believe that a western person respect more on Sapindus mukorossi (i.e. Indian washnut) or Javanese people used to call it ‘klethek’, to wash his clothes instead of detergent. He prefers to drink spring water from well instead of buying bottles of still water. He prefers to light the fire from woods, turfs, coals instead of using storage heating. I am sure that he will live very well and prosper in my grandmother’s era. He is a believer of life sustainability.

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Spring water well

Anyway, this is what I expected before I come to co. Leitrim. I really want to pet cows, light up a fireplace, experience new things that I never knew before while living in Dublin these three years. Now, I can see different lifestyles that people chose for their livings.

I used to hate traveling or leaving my comfort zone. But, then, I left my home country to a country which I never dream of before.
I used to feel insecure about having trips without my family. But, then, I traveled solo and found a new family who I never met before.
I used to think that my way is better than anyone. But, then, new people taught me unique ways to solve (basic) living problems.

Apparently, these years I lived in a (transparent) shell.


There are no foreign lands. It is the traveler only who is foreign.
– Robert Louis Stevenson